And Breathe......

Money and Mental Health – Introducing Money Chats.

It’s a bit unusual for me to do two blogs quite so close together, however I’m making the exception because money is such a hot topic at the moment and has been for a while now, and I wanted to let you know about a new initiative my wife, Kim, and I are running called ‘Money Chats’.

“Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much.”
Helen Keller

As I mentioned in my last blog Money and Mental Health – Introducing Make Peace With Money, money is a source of a lot of worry and stress; everyone deals with this in their own way, however the most common response is to bury your head in the sand and hope the worries go away. Another way of coping is to keep quiet and pretend that everything is fine; money worries can make you feel as if you are failing and therefore you could be too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help.

Kim and I felt like this before we walked into our local branch of Barclays to have a meeting with the bank manager after my breakdown. We knew the manager, a lovely lady called Dacsha, but we were scared what she would say or how she would react to us opening up about our struggles. One thing that Dacsha said to us that still stays with us, is that there were a lot of people who were in a worse financial position than we were. Now, this isn’t a good thing, but it did help to make us think that we weren’t alone in our struggles.

Kim has also had conversations with accountants and financial advisors who say they are almost acting as unofficial counsellors for some of their clients.

This level of struggle can’t be ignored.

Feeling you are alone is one of the worst places to be, and that’s why Kim and I decided to start Money Chats.

Money Chats are held online and open to anyone; the aim is to create a proactive, collaborative, non-judgemental space where people can talk openly about money, share their lived experience in a constructive way, and support each other. It’s not about opening you bank accounts to everyone; it’s about sharing as much as you want, about anything in particular that you are struggling with that is related to money. You don’t even have to say anything, you can just turn up and listen if you want.

Another reason we started the Money Chats is because money is a taboo subject, a bit like mental health, we are taught not to talk about money openly. Like so many things in life, we often wear a mask to cover what is really going on. We don’t even teach our children about it in school, instead we rely on parents to pass on their knowledge, but this can be tainted by their own past experiences or limiting money beliefs. We want to help people feel more confident talking honestly about money, and feeling comfortable asking for help if they need it.

Changing the conversation around money will benefit yourself, your family, your friends, your colleagues, and may even help with levelling out some of the inequalities where money is concerned.

Kim is an advisor with Enterprise Nation and we launched the Money Chats last year by running a live panel event, which included the founder of Enterprise Nation, Emma Jones; we recorded the event (video below) and while it is more related to business owners some really important topics were raised which will be of interest to everyone, some of which we are planning to explore further.

We hosted our first Money Chat in December 2023, and the next one is on Thursday 14^th March 2024, from 10am to 11am UK time, it’s live over Zoom and all are welcome. We are then planning to run them on a monthly basis. Click on the link below to book your place.

Book you place

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Money and Mental Health – Introducing Make Peace With Money.

“There isn’t a part of our lives that money doesn’t touch – it affects our relationships, the way we go about our every day activities, our abilities to make dreams reality, everything.”
Suze Orman

If I asked you to write down the top five things in your life that cause you stress and worry, I’m guessing that money would be on most of your lists; it may even be number one for some of you.

For me, money comes with a whole lot of baggage, I’ve never been very good at managing money, and it’s something I’ve battled with all my life from racking up debt to struggling to increase my earnings. It’s probably ironic that I ended up marrying someone who works in accounting and finance!

There can be many reasons why some of us struggle with money more than others, and a lot of the time the blame is laid at the door of poor money management skills. The truth is that there is a much darker, more sinister side to money, a side we rarely address, if at all, and that is the mental and emotional side of money.

Working Around Obstacles.

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”
Michael Jordan

It’s safe to say that I’ve hit a few obstacles over the past few years, especially where work is concerned. Most recently it’s been with promoting my mental health talks, and programme.

I often compare it to trying to climb Everest in flip flops.

I know that everyone who is trying to do their own thing struggles with this, but I’ve found that my old pals, anxiety, and depression, make it even more challenging.

Finding Your Identity.

Before Christmas Kim and I were invited to a business networking event in Richmond, London, which was being hosted by our friends Helen and Ray; the idea of going to see them was good motivation for me, the problem was that there would be a lot of other people there, and that filled me with terror.

Two of my issues with these sorts of events are that I struggle with small-talk, and I’m scared of the inevitable question that you cannot avoid at networking events, “so, what do you do?” The thought of this made me panic because I didn’t know how to answer the question, and was worried that I’d look a complete wally turning up to a networking event unsure of who I am and what I do.

With Kim’s support I made it to the event and got to say hi to Helen and Ray, but other than that I was completely zoned out, I was overwhelmed by the number of people and clamed up, one lady came up to Kim and I but I couldn’t speak, thankfully Kim explained my muteness and the lady was lovely and understood.

The second half of last year was tough for me on a number of levels, I had lost all direction with my work, I had fallen out of love with running, and I was having a daily battle with low mood.

Managing Your Mental Health, Part 7 – Talk/Ask For Help.

“To anyone out there who’s hurting – it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength.”
Barack Obama

Talking and asking for help is probably the easiest thing in the world to do; so why do so many of us find it so hard?

The most obvious place to start is with our programming, what we are taught when we grow up, how society tells us we should react and behave.

When you look back through history, showing emotions doesn’t get you very far; if you’re a man, to show emotions is a sign of weakness, and if you’re a woman, you would probably have been branded hysterical.

To survive tough environments and stress you have to be solid, stand firm, be brave and in control….. start crying! Oh no you don’t, crying’s for babies!

Have you noticed that as soon as anyone starts crying, they immediately apologise for it?